From your feedback it appears we are in agreement that the key to solving this controversy is upbringing. Agree. That is why the Church is never advocating wanton begetting of children to a number beyond the capacity of married couples to rear with dignity. The Church and the State are advocating responsible parenthood; they part ways only as to the method. The Church respects the moral principle that the end does not justify the means. The end of limiting children so they can be raised as better Christians and responsible citizens is good but no matter how good, it will never justify the use of contraceptives because in the light of God’s purpose for which he made people procreators, contraceptive use is immoral. Thank you for the insight. God bless. -frdan

1. God uses problems to DIRECT us. Like locomotives of old we need God to light a fire under us to keep us moving. Problems often lead us to the new direction God would like us to take. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; and lean not unto your own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your paths” (Proverbs 3:5-6)

2. God uses problems to INSPECT us. We are like teabags. It is only when we are in hot waters that our true color comes out. What do problems reveal about us? “When you have many kinds of troubles, you should be full of joy, because you know that these troubles test your faith, and this will give you patience.” (James 1:2-3)

3. God uses problems to CORRECT us. Some lessons we learn only through pain and failure. It’s likely that as a child your parents told you not to touch a hot stove. But you probably learned by being burned. “It is good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn thy statutes.” (Psalm 119:72)

4. God uses problems to PROTECT us. People might think we are already the most unfortunate person because of the crisis we are facing. In reality, however, such crisis is a blessing as it interrupts a comfortable journey that leads to damnation. “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good” Genesis 50:20

5. God uses problems to PERFECT us. “We can rejoice when we run into problems… they help us learn to be patient. And patience develops strength of character in us and helps us trust God more each time we use it until finally our hope and faith are strong and steady.” Romans 5:3-4

So the next time others make us suffer, we rejoice at the thought that the Lord is at work in us. – Rev. Fr. Dan Domingo P. delos Angeles, Jr., DM-HRM. Email: dan.delosangeles@gmail.com. Website: http://www.frdan.org.

Hi, Fr. Dan!

I get to read your reflection almost everyday as a friend is so keen to send me your daily reflections to my email. And I appreciate your voice as you seem genuine and sincere and I concur to your opinion most of the time. Yet it is only now that I have come to disagree with your thoughts on having less/more kids.

First you said that having 1 or 2 kids now could possibly spell bleak for a parent in his old age when both may die before him. And that having more than a few kids would somehow ensure that the “harvest won’t be disappointing at the twilight of your life“.

That to me is a flawed reasoning. Because instead of focusing on the quantity or the number of kids a parent should raise, it is how the children are raised that actually determines how they would become as they mature. Yes, you may have 5 or so kids whom you can depend to take you on when you get older but what if you missed out on guiding them well that they have become irresponsible and a burden on society instead. Is that situation preferable to just having a few kids wherein you’d be able to give ample time towards their needs? I am quite aware that kids could go either way despite how might their parents have raised them but it was what you said that I just couldn’t accept.

You also mentioned about how a child from a family na maykaya could miss [out on] the advantage that hard life offers to character formation. Again, that to me is questionable. We cannot just generalize how kids from rich families are being raised by their parents. For all we know, their parents expect too much from them in terms of school work or accomplishments or that their parents actually take them for granted that early on they’re able to live as independently as possible. On the other side of the coin, there are also kids from poor families that are being coddled by their parents. Some do not even know how to do their household tasks because their parents would often do those for them thinking they’re doing their children a favor.

For me, what is more important than the numbers is the quality of parenting. I come from a poor to middle class family (in Filipino terms) and I can say that while my parents succeeded in raising us as best as they could, they also missed out on the other aspects of our needs. Because they didn’t earn much then, they had to work really hard and were sometimes not emotionally available. While I don’t entirely blame them, but for a child, it could have been better if they were there whenever we needed them. And to think it was just me and my sister. I don’t know what would have happened to us if there were more kids in the family.

So in conclusion, I’d say that would-be parents should be trained or made to go through a series of seminars on good parenting, and yes, family planning could be part of that. While part of me believes that the Philippines needs to impose a reasonable, humanistic and proactive population control, a part of me also believes that it is an individual’s choice or in this case, a couple’s choice of having kids or not or how many should they want.

Thank you so much for the opportunity in airing out my thoughts. Good day!